Thanksgiving Day: Arizona City, Arizona
I
woke up at three in the morning wondering what I was doing other than lying in
bed awake. I wondered what I am going to
do when my money runs out and I am forced to go back into the workforce and
which occupation I would be choosing to continue on through my retirement. I pictured myself going back to my old job of being a courier and instantly I could picture putting my gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger; bad idea, both of them.
I have not written a single word since my initial arrival in Arizona City, not one. I began to wonder why, as I reminded myself that one of the main reasons I was on this Journey was to write until my fingers bled, only to find I do not have the solitude I need to accomplish this simple task of putting my fingers to the keyboard.
Reflecting back on the last six weeks I have flashes of an invisible hand holding me back from the road ahead as I stumble around in the desert dust trying to find the time and space to be myself. I questioned whether it has been forty days and nights…and find the answer to be yes. Why forty days and nights? If Jesus could wander that long in the desert, than maybe I too could survive the temptations that have been placed before me and move past all of this indecisiveness that plagues my mind.
They say time flies when you are having fun and I don’t really know if that applies to my life and lifestyle right now…I mean the having fun part, but the time is flying by and I find that very soon I will be getting on a plane and returning to Seattle to visit with friends and family and to absorb massive amounts of rain for my parched body.
I spent the first couple of weeks waiting for my Brother to arrive; my time wasted as I lounged in front of the huge 46 inch television and pigged out on the mass amounts of groceries I purchased, gaining all the weight I had so proudly lost before my arrival.
When my Brother arrived it became a whirlwind of activities that included me driving back to Sedona for the lecture and the meet and greet with David Wilcock. The event did not go as well as I had hoped and the disappointment at what developed stopped me from recording it onto paper and sharing it with those who actually read my blog.
His lecture was
interesting and yes, I did learn a thing or two but, the meet and greet was a
huge let down as he used up the time talking and not really meeting with us
until he was pushed to ‘hurry’ the greetings. Sixty people, including myself, were allowed one single minute in which to spend with him, cramming five thousand words into a jumbled mess as I handed him a picture of my ‘alien’ while quickly summarizing the situation behind the photo. It seemed to me that he was interesting in it and yet he quickly discarded the photo onto a table with the other gifts people had brought. I had hoped that I would hear from him via an email as all of that information was clearly written on the back of the photo, yet as of this moment, have not had a single word about it.
When I arrived back in Arizona City the next few weeks took on a lethargic lifestyle based around eating lots of food, drinking too much alcohol and learning how to deal with family members I have never really known.
Raised as an only child, I do not know my other eight half siblings, and time spent with most of them has always been minimal throughout the years. Spending long periods of time around each other proved difficult for my Brother and me as we realized that we have different opinions and beliefs on many aspects in life, causing friction where I had wanted only bonding and friendship to bloom.
I paid my Brother three hundred dollars to cover my ‘living’ with him and then tried to fit into the lifestyle of the snowbirds that swarmed the desert city during the month of November, failing miserably at it when I realized that the main source of entertainment was alcohol, food, and football.
It was during a particularly bad week of bickering with my Brother, when a door of opportunity arose for me in the form of someone needing help and I could fill that position. An 84 year old lady from New Mexico moved into her son’s house a few blocks away from my Brother’s place and she needed someone to drive her around and help her out with doctor appointments and occasional shopping.
Within the first week she ‘insisted’ I stay with her and to keep her company as she didn’t want to be alone in an unknown place, so to ease the tension in my Brothers house, I accommodated her request and moved myself, my Herbette, and all of my junk, to her place.
The next week was filled with eye doctor appointments and cataract surgery, prescriptions getting filled and shopping at Wal-Mart every other day. She has hearing problems and I found myself having to yell most of the time just to have her hear what I was saying, when I was given an edge in on her conversation, for this woman could talk making me seem mute.
Telling me her entire life story and then adding in her angered opinion of politics, unions, and religion, I had ears full of her loud voice yelling at me as she talked of many negative aspects of the life she had led. She rudely cut me off mid-sentence when I would try to talk, making our conversations more like her ‘soap box’ than any real communication.
Within two weeks of being around her she became comfortable enough with me to show her true personality of bigotry upon the lower classes of people, which obviously had included me. Her words went half listened to in my brain until she started to demonstrate them physically when she began treating me as a servant, demanding that I preform duties for her that I did not want to do, a laugh coming from her as she felt I ‘had’ to do as she bade me to.
It came to a head two days ago when she treated me as a sub-servant and disregarded me as human, becoming overbearing in her demands of my volunteered time spent with her. I decided I did not need someone disrespecting me in such a way and moved out early in the morning before she awoke.
I returned later in the day and had a simple but firm talk with her, telling her that although I found her to be an interesting woman with a history of achievements to fill a whole book; I could not tolerate someone who is disrespectful of me and of others. (She used the “N” word over and over again, even in front of African-Americans)
In the meantime, my
two half Sisters arrived in Arizona City and the five of us (my Brother,
Sisters, and Sister-in-law) spent three days touring the various attractions of
southern Arizona, wearing me out after long days and nights of eating, drinking
and sightseeing. I enjoyed my time spent
with the family members I did not grow up with, each one unique and for the
most part, happy people. Yet, they are still strangers to me, even after all of
these years. We journeyed to the township of Eloy to watch parachute jumpers coming out of planes and landing within feet of us, followed up by a trip to the Rooster Cogburn’s Ostrich Ranch where we rode on a monster truck learning about the desert and the various animals of the area, including petting a dead refrigerated rattlesnake and fishing for ostriches. We fed goats, deer, donkeys, ostriches, and lorikeets after our truck ride, the day one of laughter at the time shared together.
Hung over but still
on schedule, the five of drove to Tombstone where we ventured through the ‘Boot
Hill Graveyard’ and down Main Street taking in the western town established in
1877. After our Bloody Mary’s and a
filling lunch we drove to the Kartchner Cavern State Park where we took an hour
and a half tour down into the huge Caverns that were discovered in 1974 but not
open to the public until the early 1990’s, keeping the beautiful place
preserved from the hardships of human tourists. 
We
stopped on the long drive home having Mexican food and two pitchers of margaritas,
everyone concerned as to what my plans were once I returned from my Seattle
trip home. 
I
was surprised yet touched, by this concern by these family members who really
know very little about me, my life, or my beliefs so I tried to ease their
worries by telling them words they wanted to hear, giving them peace of mind as
to what would happen to me.Knowing that the following morning the four of them would be departing for San Antonio Texas to spend Thanksgiving with their half-brother they grew up with, my one Sister hugged me tightly whispering in my ear that I needed to get out of my Brothers place soon, as I was overstaying my welcome and causing him great stress. I assured her that as soon as I returned from Seattle, I would be continuing on my Journey and leaving Arizona City.
Today is the 40th day since my arrival at Arizona City and it is Thanksgiving Day. I am alone today after many cancelled plans for this holiday, causing me to celebrate with chicken, boxed stuffing, and canned gravy. My van is broke down needing a starter and my camera is broken so I cannot post pictures I took (pictures are from the web) and while I feel like I should be thankful for so many things, I find I cannot smile nor cry over where I am and what I am doing, as it is all part of my Journey.
Have I learned any lessons that are life changing? Not really.
Have I figured out what I want to do when I grow up? Not really.
Have I discovered where the ‘old’ Indian is who called me to Arizona in the first place? No, not really.
I am still wandering in this vast desert…Traveling Thru The Tonda Zone!
~Peace~
I am thankful for: My friends, My Family, My Health, My Smile, My Perseverance, My Herbette and Matilda, The Great Elders of the Planet and My Guide; Enoch.
